Searching for the Light

When all the lies fall apart, where do you go next?

The Dark Side of a Leo

I know you used me for charity

To make yourself look better

To collect for your small army

Because you couldn’t keep yourself together

I knew you were a liar as soon as you turned

But did it with a smile

You had a nice scapegoat in her for a while

You were pushing me out long before then

I think you were too afraid to lose what you started

You thought losing your connection to me

Would end the benefits you reap

I wish you were right

But instead I had to leave, searching for the light

While you take my place

And your lies hide in plain sight

There’s nowhere else you could be

I bet the destruction you left at home

Is too bad for you to ever face, you coward

That’s how you ended up with him

You’re both cowardly lions

Won’t stand for much besides yourselves

And pointless causes

Remember when you left me to drown?

Remember who poured the vodka?

You weren’t there when I woke up in my vomit

But you still fucked the one who caused it

Trick of the Light

I’d been dreaming of meeting you again

But never thought it would happen

I’d always been afraid of falling

Because the air always gave way

What’s the point of happiness if it never stays?

And yet, what’s the point of accepting

That happiness doesn’t come from change?

If we’re all doomed to stay in our same lives anyway

What are we even here for?

I’m not supposed to look for purpose

But why did I see you again?

Why was I supposed to meet you if it was never going to last?

Is there a point in trying,

Or is that just a way to prolong our suffering?

If I wasn’t happy with the life I was given

Then I’ll probably never be happy at all

My point is to say that I saw you the other day

And you looked right through me

Proving dreams are useless

And angels play sick jokes disguised as lessons

Kintsugi

I had to let you go

You made me too happy

To be able to live like I was supposed to

I believed in magic for so long

I wanted to be out of touch

Never understood how people found good

From this reality that we’re forced into

And we’re not supposed to think about it

But what else am I supposed to do?

I was born in the wrong country

Where the wrong lifestyles are valued

I’m not strong enough for this

My contentment has a limit

No matter how much resilience I build

A part of me is always so fragile it breaks

The gold cracks are flaws

I’m all stitched up

Translucent so all my veins show

Barely skin and bones

Basic survival adds more than I can care for

And I thought it would go away in a different place

But it’s here to stay

Do I push forward, keep on this spiral?

Or do I just wipe my memory,

Accept the societal lobotomy,

And hope for a blissful existence,

Until my final days come,

And I still have questions?

There are regrets either way

And no one has the answers

So I guess it’s up to me

Romancer

You were supposed to mean nothing to me

Yet you kept showing up in my dreams

There were red flags everywhere

Using her while she lived there

And me while I lived here

Only to end up with her

How long had that been going on?

Is that why you ghosted?

Is that why you avoided me the other night?

I guess I was shocked because

I’d felt a spark of faith where there was none

I didn’t know you, and I fell for an illusion

I thought I was smarter than that

But you’re a reminder that niceness is a trap

And believing in the best

Only rips the rug from under you in the end

I’m not as smart as I thought

I didn’t judge you well

And I didn’t realize when I met you

She was there as well

Castles In the Air

Ever since I mourned you

I haven’t looked at the sky

Nothing has meant much to me in a while

Found God again and lost it

Failed to be a prophet

If love is the answer, then where do I find it?

Given up on most of my dreams

Because life’s too short,

And we’re running out of time

But if I can’t have you…

Well, I really wanted to

But my faith is gone

Loneliness is my belief

A reality check tells me maybe that’s what I need

Godless is fine because answers come in time

Or the questions wither away

And in the end we all die

So maybe I should stop wasting time

Trying to find a way out of my mind

It doesn’t matter if I die alone

It doesn’t matter if I ever found my way

Life’s too short to play these games

Emotions pass, nothing lasts

Maybe I should stop being so fucking serious

I’ll never get to where I wanted to go

Because that place never existed